Monday, May 15, 2006

so, how was your Mother's Day?

A co-worker told me this one:

"My sister has, like, the fiscal responsibility of a total moron, right? She had one payment left on her Cavalier, and she decides she has to be driving something cooler. So she goes to a used car dealership and buys a Corvette. Of course she's this young bimbo, has no idea what she's doing, ends up paying about $15 thousand more than the car is worth, right? So she drives that for two years, all the tires are bald because she can't afford the maintenance on it, then she starts dating this guy at Ford and figures she needs to upgrade again. But she's so upside-down in the car payments, her credit's so bad that she has to buy this totally overpriced, overloaded Ford Explorer just to roll over the payments. So now she's ten thousand in the hole.

"So she gets these checks from her credit card, right? And she buys two horses with them. Yeah. Pays $1100 for these two horses. The thing is, one of the horses is pregnant. So she figures, the one horse will have a baby, and she'll sell it, and recoup some money.

"The horses--one of them's staying with a friend of hers, has some land up by the airport. The other one, the pregnant one was staying at my parents' house. Now I guess when a horse is pregnant and it's getting close to time, you're supposed to not let them exercise and feed them this special diet and all that. But my parents didn't do that. My sister was supposed to come and check on this horse every day and take care of it, but she didn't. She hadn't been up there in a week. So my dad goes out to feed the horse on Saturday morning, and finds the horse had gone into labor overnight. But the baby was like a month past due, so it was too big, and during the delivery, something ruptured, and they both died.

"My dad went out there to feed the horse, and there's the horse dead, with this other horse half out of it, and blood and guts all over the place, because I guess the baby just tore everything up trying to be born.

"And of course nobody told me anything, I just called up my sister on Saturday and go, 'What time you going over to Mom's?' and she starts to cry! And I go, 'What's wrong?' and she's like, 'The horse is deaaaad!!!' and I'm like, 'Well, I'm sorry, but what's that got to do with me and dinner at Mom's?' and she goes, 'Well, can you come help us bury it?'

"And I go, 'No.' Just, 'No.' I said there's no way I'm getting anywhere near that big dead horse. Forget it. So my dad calls up the vet and says, Hey, I've got this dead horse, you know, what can I do? So the vet tells him, Well, how much property have you got, and you have to bury it so far from the property line, or else I guess there's this organization out in Topeka that you can call and they'll come out and pick up your dead horse. But my dad's like, that'll be Monday or Tuesday, and there's no way I'm leaving this dead horse in my barn.

"So I guess my sister called this friend of hers who's a construction worker, and they brought over the backhoe on Sunday and dug this hole and buried this horse. And then I'm the bad son, because I show up a three, like I said I would, and found out they'd already eaten. Because they had to fix dinner 'while the guys were there working.' So I get there and all the burgers are cold because I didn't come help bury the dead horse."

7 comments:

Shara said...

"So I get there and all the burgers are cold because I didn't come help bury the dead horse."

*attempt at British understatement* I think your coworker got the better end of the deal.

Shara

Holly said...

Nobody has yet questioned what the burgers were made of....

AJ Milne said...

I have much sympathy. For the horse.

Anonymous said...

I had wondered whether the coworker should be grateful that the burgers weren't horsemeat. Who knows; maybe they were. They certainly had plenty of it to spare.

Perhaps the glue factory should have been called to dispose of the remains.
SG

Holly said...

He said he suggested the glue factory; his relatives were not amused.

Personally, I would have tried to at least salvage some of the investment.

Paul Abbamondi said...

Hah, great story. Well, maybe. Sad. I don't know. I enjoyed it regardless.

Holly said...

Yeah, it's hard to know how to react to that one. I felt bad for laughing. (It was funnier when he told it. I'm not sure why.)